Sunday, January 21, 2007

Dude, Pie!

A gentleman enjoys his pie, and bakes it on occasion. For those seeking pointers, Dawn Coyote dishes out the goods over at Fond Adversaria.

Can anybody deny the symbiosis between pie and religion? Think of the church supper, or the diner where people turn to pie at times of existential crisis. Er, well, I know I do. Hence my perilous flirtation with Type 2 diabetes. There's a Carson McCullers short story, "A Tree, A Rock, A Cloud," about learning to love; the idea being that a person can start small and work one's way up. I've always wanted to write a sequel: "A Ditch, A Grotto, A Pie."

The best pies are like eighties music: they make one feel alive as they wallow in angst. Is there anything that electricutes my nerves with the same anxiety as a crust? It drives me into the worst excesses of Depeche Mode. I will have pie. I will be my own personal Jesus.

Reach out and touch me.


1. Chocolate Mousse
2. Apple
3. Peach
4. Key Lime
5. Pecan
6. Cherry
7. Berry (any variety, preferably wild blue)

I should dispense an honorable mention to a coconut creme pie that I met just this weekend. I do not know from whence it came, but man did it liven up a dull party.

mrs. august would like my readership to note the following:

1. Making pie "on occasion" has not, thus far, included making pie for her
2. She is much better at making a crust
3. That I have not yet made dinner
4. That I am, therefore, not to be trusted.


Addendum Jan. 22: "Not yet made dinner" meant not made dinner last night. I frequently make dinner. Although, dinner last night was not very good. Breakfast was awesome though -- french toast with cinnamon apples.


obfuscati said...

1. apple
1. peach
1. pecan
1. sweet potato
1. strawberry
1. chocolate
1. pumpkin

9999. everything else

Dawn Coyote said...

A pie is the equivalent of something yummy wrapped in a hug -- a hug made of refined flour and pork fat, sure, but one mustn't turn down love when one encounters it, yes?

So, given that good pie crust is transcendently wonderful, whatever food one places inside it will be improved by the relationship.

Love alone, as you know, is not enough. My soon-to-be-ex-husband had a particular talent for making pies, and we had many in the course of our 12 year relationship. It wasn't the pie, but the places between the pie, that failed us.

I confess a weakness for coconut cream, key lime, raspberry, cherry, apple, and bluberry. We get the most gorgeous, fat blueberries over this way. Buckets of them.

august said...

Rhubarb, particularly strawberry rhubarb, might also make my list. During the opium war, some Chinese officials thought that cutting off the rhubarb supply might have devastating consequences for the British.

They were wrong, but you can see their point.

Dawn -- yes, I see your point. I can also see how pie might disguise the non-pie -- so that in the moments when one might think "what am I doing with this person?" one is instead thinking "I wonder if it would be rude to have another slice of boston creme?" And really, both questions are important. I see the dilemma.

kyu -- [smacking head] I can't believe I forgot pumpkin!

my one and only piece of romantic advice -- helpful to have a partially-eaten pie under aluminum foil when babe of your dreams comes over. Makes it look like you just sort of bake in your spare time -- very sexy. But see dawn's comment before moving forward.

twiffer said...


apple tops my list. real key lime pie is divine. blueberry pie. strawberry rhubarb (also, try adding kiwi too. fucking awesome).

can't say i like the cream pies. mostly because i don't. i do, however, enjoy meat pies. a fact that i suspect means i must have some british blood in me.

oh, and shephard's pie, even though that's not really pie.

rundeep said...

I'm a pie baker also. (Butter or cream cheese crusts exclusively though. Lard does make them flaky, but I hate the taste).

blueberry crumb
apple cranberry
lemon meringue

There's a Shaker lemon pie made with sliced lemons I've been meaning to try, but never got around to.

The key to not having the spaces between the pie stand between you is to prick them with a fork. Hard. Let the excess air out. You know what I mean. Because every relationship does better with a hard prick.

rundeep said...

Oops. Forgot my alltime strange favorite: pear and fresh ginger. Do a lattice crust or as a tart, but oh baby. It's the autumnal dessert.

Dawn Coyote said...

oh, sublimely wise rundeep: I was thinking I'd like to try pear pie, and also wondering how one might get ginger into a pie, and voila - there you are! With tastes that trend tart, I bet I'd like the sliced lemon pie, too.

rundeep said...

How did I know that you were a tart-lover? (Like me, I hasten to add.)

Baked pear is one of my favorite flavors, along with lemon and chocolate. Must find a way to combine them all.

august said...

MsZilla -- if you happen to see this, the best pie I ever had was at the now defunct Honey Bear in Seattle. I used to live just down the street.

They also had really good pumpkin muffins (sadly, not pie).

rundeep -- best I can think of is poached pears with lemon walnut filling topped with chocolate sauce. yummy, but sadly not pie.

you have also introduced the additional dimensions, the z axis, of crumb, crumble, and lattice.

ginger -- oh so tasty!

twiffer -- shephard's pie is a whole 'nother conversation, one you'll probably need to have with somebody else. my only experiences were in the school cafeteria, where it was bad-so-bad. In the past, your taste has struck me as too good to be British.

MsZilla said...

Me oh my, I love pie.... ;)

Sorry. You have impeccable timing. The kids were watching "Michael" last night and I've been alternating between that and "Heaven Knows" ringing in my head all day.

My recipe for real Pumpkin Pie here. If you want my version of the recipes for the rest of the list, I can do them for you, too, if you like. Though I must warn you most of them start off with "drive to the orchard/you-pick....". But my chocolate cream is made with real Jello pudding mix. Accept no subsitutes. ;)

When it comes to crust, I'm a Butter-flavored Crisco user, but I will use real butter. Sour cream sounds interesting though, (especially for a Red, White, and Blue Pie). Rundeep, do you have a recipe? Or is it just subsitute cream cheese/sour cream straight across for the butter?

And when it comes to ginger, I've got your ginger, too. Read that recipe. Believe me, when I spice a pie it is SPICED.

And my Tazo Chai Gingerbread is reportedly "divine" and more importantly has about a coffee-cup worth of caffiene in every slice. ;)